Of Critics and Tricksters
by derpy
Summary: A series of KaiShin oneshots. Kuroba Kaito's favorite pastimes: playing around with the Task Force, inspector Nakamori and Shinichi, annoying Shinichi, causing mental anguish to Shinichi and being a general pain in the neck, especially Shinichi's.
1. Dresses and Promises

_This was supposed to be the second oneshot in this series of oneshots. But since I'm still struggling to make the first one readable I decided to upload this one first. Sigh._

_**Disclaimer: **__Detective Conan would have been a yaoi anime had I owned it. Need I say more?_

_**Warning:**__ Potential POV fail and incoherency._

With that, please enjoy!

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Dresses and Promises

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"Do not do _that _ever again."

Shinichi glared the juggling boy he was addressing to. Said boy just tilted his head in mock confusion with a seemingly innocent smile plastered on his face.

"I haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about, Shin-chan." Kaito said nonchalantly, hands still juggling his numerous colorful balls without losing his rhythm.

Shinichi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, a habit from the days he was Conan. "Don't play dumb with me, you know very well what I'm talking about," he narrowed his eyes at the mention of the nickname, "And don't call me that."

After tucking away his juggling balls, the magician held his chin in a perfect mimicry of Shinichi's thinking pose. "Hm… Oh! So it's about that?" He grinned broadly as he slammed his fist into his other palm. "But you looked absolutely stunning in it, Shin-chan!" Shinichi let the nickname slide; there was no point in correcting it while Kaito was still rambling.

Kaito continued on in a dramatic fashion. "And I put so much effort in making you look presentable!" Then he held up three fingers. "It took me three hours of surfing the shops just to get you one that would suit you, you know? Actually, you should appreciate my dedication to your appearance; your choice of clothing is so dull I had to spice it up." He concluded, nodding solemnly like a wise sage with his arms folded.

Shinichi silently thanked the gods for his limitless patience. "Why would I appreciate being in a dress?" He asked in a deadpan tone. "And a _maid_ dress at that." He grimaced at the unpleasant memory. It was utterly humiliating, waking up after being gassed and finding himself in a frilly black-and-white maid dress with an even frillier headdress. And those blasted fishnets and high heels. On top of that, he was lying on a _literal_ bed of roses! The funny looks the Task Force threw at his direction when they had finally arrived at the rooftop didn't help his situation at all. And inspector Nakamori, thankfully, didn't heed much attention to his attire and just stood on the edge of the roof hollering after the escaped thief.

Somehow Shinichi managed to get home without any further incidents, it was past midnight so the streets were empty and he was grateful for small mercies. It would be all good if it wasn't for the fact that the dress was not only frilly, but was also _lacy_. He couldn't work out how to undo those damned knots on his back for the love of his life. That bastard reef knotted and then made a ribbon knot on it! Craning his neck to look at the mirror and trying to untie the knots just wouldn't do, so he resorted to calling his best friend, Ran.

After listening to his desperate begging at the ungodly hour, Ran made him promise to watch a romance movie and have lunch with her that weekend, which Shinichi reluctantly agreed to; hanging out with Ran is fun, but he hated romance movies, really. When Ran arrived at his house and saw his miserable state, she doubled over and nearly coughed a lung or two laughing, much to his eternal embarrassment. Shinichi could only blush and usher the mirthful girl into the house. Even so, Ran was a better option than Haibara; the scientist girl would just blackmail him and never let him live it down.

As soon they managed to get the dress off and incinerated it, Shinichi was immediately assaulted with a line of questioning about the cause of his misfortune. And Ran threatened to tell Sonoko (the loudmouth) about the whole fiasco if he omitted any "juicy details", as she had eloquently put it. The interrogation ended with more laughing and tears of mirth on Ran's part while Shinichi silently wished he didn't call anyone over at all and just cut the goddamned thing off.

Why were the women in his life so evil? It was probably one of those mysteries he could never solve.

"Well," Kaito's voice cut into his train of thoughts and he looked at the other. "If you hate maid dresses that much I'll get you something else next time!" The magician exclaimed cheerfully as a white wedding dress appeared in a puff of smoke. "My KID suit and this matches perfectly—" Before Kaito could finish his sentence Shinichi snatched the dress out of his hands and threw it out of the windows. The thief was opening his mouth to protest when Shinichi's icy stare shut him up right away.

"Let me make this clear," he said slowly, "never, _ever_ put me in anything remotely girly again. That, or I'm not coming to your heists anymore and I'll set Sonoko on your trail instead. Am I understood?" Shinichi found that seeing the horrified expression on the thief's usually-poker-faced face was something very, very pleasurable. Indeed, Sonoko was an efficient weapon against the playful thief, her fangirling tendency was something to be feared of. In one of the heists Shinichi managed to get Sonoko to meet her idol, Kaitou KID. And the image of the infamous moonlit thief struggling to get away from his fan girl's bear hug – she was surprisingly strong when she needed to - was tucked away neatly in a corner of his mind; he would dig it up when he needed a good laugh.

"Fine, I won't put you in dresses anymore." Kaito huffed and pouted. "You're no fun."

"So I've often been told." Shinichi smirked. He picked up a book he hadn't finished reading and sat next to the pouting thief on the sofa.

Some moments later, Shinichi smiled when Kaito scooted closer and cuddled him.

* * *

Shinichi sighed in agitation as he looked at the retreating form in the sky. A chat was in order with Kaito the next time they met, which would be tomorrow. And he was going to enjoy it _very_ much.

Apparently, the thief thought that since he couldn't put Shinichi in dresses it was okay to dress him in Scottish attire, which included a black double-breasted jacket with a lace jabot, frilly cuffs and a fly paid on the shoulder; and, God forbid, a blue _kilt_. What was with Kaito and his obsession with frilly things anyway? Shinichi was holding a bagpipe and he briefly wondered where the hell Kaito got all of these from; probably from online auctions. But didn't these cost quite an amount? Kaito's dedication had been taken to a whole new level of creepiness; he should really get a new hobby.

The entrance to the roof was slammed open and Shinichi waited for the inevitable, he was a sight to behold after all.

Shinichi considered buying fish-patterned clothes from then.

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_Overused idea but I wanted to __write a fic like this. And I did. Yeah. Did it make any sense? No? I guessed as much._

_On__ the other note, you can see a reef knot here. Remove the spaces and (dot)s to see._

_http: / / www (dot) layhands (dot) com / Knots / Knots_Bends (dot) htm # ReefKnot_

_And the Scottish attire I was talking about. It's called Montrose Doublet._

_http: __/ __/ __www__ (dot) __clanarthur__ (dot) __org__/__ScottishAttire__ (dot) __htm_

_Constructive criticism is very welcomed!_


	2. Aprons and Curiosity

_Gosh__, I'm sorry for the delay. Fixing this chapter's clunky sentences and inconsistent POV kinda made me head/desk for a while, and I'm still not satisfied with the outcome. This chapter's really a lost cause. (Hides)_

_**Disclaimer:**____Gosho Aoyama owns Detective Conan. It would have been a yaoi anime had I owned it. Heh heh._

_**Warning**__**: **__Potential POV fail and incoherency with cliché and corniness added to the mix. Oh, and don't forget the hopefully not-so-atrocious grammar and the OOC-ness._

_With that, please enjoy!_

Aprons and Curiosity

This could not go on any longer.

The stare he had been receiving for the past few hours were making the hair at the back of his neck stand on its end. The odd feeling of déjà vu was crawling in his mind. Had he been stared at like this before? Then he remembered that case with the Memories Eggs, with the fake Shiratori and his constant stalking; and there was his creepy stare that could send children crying for their mothers. Definitely not something he wanted to be reminded of. Mildly disturbed, Shinichi peered over his shoulder to have a look at the other occupant of the room who was a magician, a thief and a prankster all rolled into one, namely Kuroba Kaito.

The said boy was still sitting there, in the same position Shinichi had seen last time. With a goofy smile plastered on his face, he was leaning into his palm and looking at Shinichi through half-lidded eyes. Overall he resembled a huge, contented cat. His posture suggested that he was very comfortable and wouldn't stop his staring any time soon much to Shinichi's chagrin. He even made a little wave to him, his apparent object of attention when he noticed the gaze on him. Shinichi was half-tempted to shove a fish to his face; maybe it would stop this ridiculous business. But he wasn't Aoko, so he resisted the urge and just carried on with his task, which was making the curry edible. And it wasn't a hard task, considering curry was one of the dishes he could prepare without setting his kitchen in flames. Only if there weren't any eyes glued on his back. He hated, no, _loathed _being watched.

"Care to enlighten me why you are looking at me so… intensely, Kaito?" Shinichi didn't bother to hide the annoyance in his tone. He tasted the sample of the curry roux. _'A bit too bland,'_ he thought and added a spoonful of salt in the pot. Being too absorbed in his task, he didn't hear the shuffling behind him. Three months of living with the prankster magician taught Shinichi not to flinch when a pair of arms snaked around his waist. He tried to relax his tense shoulders, though.

"I wasn't staring, I was ogling at your gorgeous body, particularly your ass, my dear detective," Kaito purred, nuzzling Shinichi's neck. Then he leaned up, brushing his lips over the detective's ear shell. "And I was contemplating all the dirty things I could do with it."

Mentally congratulating himself on not squeaking at the husky voice breathing into his ear, the vexed detective shot the thief a glare from the corner of his eyes. "Shut up, this is not the time," he scoffed, "Do you wish to eat some charred remains of curry or something? I'd gladly make some if you want," He was well aware of the blush that was creeping to his face, but there was nothing he could have done about it, really. He wouldn't even bother trying, knowing the playful magician would do something (perverted) to make his blush resurface again.

'_Nothing good comes from being in the same house with this guy,'_ Shinichi concluded.

"Doesn't matter if it's burnt," Kaito said, nibbling on the detective's earlobe, grinning inwardly when he felt the other's breath hitched, "I'm perfectly content with everything you serve me anyway," His hand began to slide on Shinichi's clothed chest and trace nonsensical lines, making the other squirm slightly. "Did I mention that you look really good in that apron?" As unexpected as it was, Kaito managed to twist body in time to dodge the elbow aimed for his ribs. Taking a few steps backwards, the magician raised his hands in mock surrender; the grin never left his face. Shinichi turned around, ready to give him an earful.

"What did I say about-" he was abruptly cut off when he heard a small puff on the shell of his ear. It was a red rose. Shinichi frowned even deeper in distaste while his face gained another shade of red.

"Now now, anger doesn't become you, Shinichi." Kaito placed a kiss on the flushed detective's hand, a rather delicate hand; Shinichi didn't do much tough work to have his hands calloused, Kaito noted. He did this many times before but he still liked to examine his rival's hands. Slightly tilting his head up to have a better look at the object of his affection, the magician was pleased to see his expression; one that was torn between irritation and fondness. He smiled. "A rose suits you much better,"

Shinichi had to chuckle at that. "That," he began, "is so corny and cheesy, you know?" Then he gently took his hand out from Kaito's loose grip before taking the rose off his ear. Giving it a brief glance, he put the rose on the prankster's ear.

"You and your shenanigans," He chuckled at the bewildered expression on the thief's face, and then he turned his attention back to the steaming curry roux pot. "But I guess that's why I'm still here,"

It was an almost inaudible mutter, but it didn't go unheard by the thief's trained keen ears. After laying the rose on the table, with his trade-marked KID smirk Kaito slowly walked to Shinichi's side.

"But you know what?" The magician leaned in, purring. Shinichi decided he did not like the mischievous look Kaito was throwing at him, or those hands that were pulling out a red cloth from his pants pocket. His detective part of his mind was screaming at him to get away as soon as possible, or get any creature of the sea, which he wasn't sure he had any, because again, he wasn't Aoko, and he had his own ways of controlling the boundless energy that was Kaito. His other curious half said he should just observe, because truth to be told, he liked seeing Kaito's little magic shows, regardless that half, no, _most_ of the time he and Hakuba was the butt of the prankster's jokes. Not to mention it was very humiliating and embarrassing. Like that one time…

His thoughts were cut off suddenly when a red cloth covered his vision. The detective was about to object when the offending object was yanked off his head with a small explosion of pink smoke followed close by. He yelped, his hand shot up to cover his nose immediately out of instinct of being gassed; then he whirled around and glared at the laughing magician.

"I've been wondering about something, detective," Kaito tapped his chin with his index finger, feigning contemplating, before he looked at Shinichi with his KID-like smirk on his face. "Won't you satisfy my curiosity?" Still wearing his smirk, he waved some of the smoke away, "And don't worry, it's just regular, harmless smoke,"

When the smoke began to disperse Shinichi had the feeling that something was very, very wrong. His backside felt bare, and so were his legs. Actually, he felt _naked_. He could feel breeze brushing against his skin; he leaned against the counter.

His suspicion was confirmed when the smoke cleared and he had a good look at himself. His clothes were missing, and, God forbid, even his boxers had disappeared! The only thing left that was preserving what little left his dignity was the dark blue apron he had been wearing. He shivered, the air in the room felt cool against his fervent skin, and the leering look on the thief's face was not helping his case, at all. Shinichi thought he was going to burst a vein soon, but the more rational part of his mind told him to calm down, and he did. Three months of sharing the same roof with his nuisance of a housemate had taught him to not get riled over the magician's pranks, because that would just encourage him even more. Damn him and his immunity to any kind of insult. That and the damnable Poker Face.

Keeping his voice even, Shinichi slowly asked. "What is the meaning of this, Kaito? Where are my clothes?" Unconsciously, he reached down to tug the hem of the apron lower in hope of hiding some more skin. His scowl deepened when he saw the corners of the culprit's mouth twitched up slightly. If he ever heard a single stifled laugh he would serve him Soccer Ball with Super Shoes as a side dish; then he'd dress him up in his Kaitou KID suit; tie him up and send him to his KID Fan Club with a 'I'm yours forever , my beloved fan club!' note attached to him. He'd like to see how Kaito was going to get out of that one. Heh.

Shinichi was drawn back from his musings by the other boy's chortle. "Can't I be curious and see how you look in an apron, naked?" Kaito slightly tilted his head to one side, feigning curiosity, "and I must say the results turned out better than I had imagined," Grinning madly as he observed Shinichi, who had given up his futile attempt at making the apron longer and simply folded his arms in resignation. He resorted to glaring at him. Kaito continued, unaffected by the heated glare directed at him. "As for your clothes, they're tucked away safely… somewhere."

"Nice to know that. Now that you've done your… little experiment, can I have my clothes back? I still have a curry pot to attend to." The kempt-haired boy sighed as he extended his hand out expectantly. He raised a brow when the other boy did not make a move and only stood there smirking. The sudden jerking motion made Shinichi yelped out in surprise and the next moment he found his face being buried in Kaito's chest; he spluttered as his chin was lifted up to meet his captor's gaze. "W-What…"

"I'm not done with you yet," Kaito leaned in to steal a small kiss. "And never will be." Then he brushed his lips gently against the other's again as he held the detective while his free hand roamed Shinichi's bare backside.

"But the, ah… the curry…." Shinichi protested weakly, he was fighting a losing battle and he knew it. And that was the most frustrating part; the damn thief was too irresistible.

The magician gave a short laugh. "Still worry about trivialities?" With a snap of fingers something was flipped off, and Shinichi realized it was the stove. "Happy now, great detective?" Kaito asked with a small smirk on his face, and he went back to planting kisses

It only occurred to Shinichi that they were in the kitchen when his unclothed back came in contact with the rough surface of the wall.

"Hey, wait- Not in here!"

His cry went unheard.

-fin-

_Yay for nonsensical plot. If there was ever one at all._

_That aside, constructive criticisms are very welcome~_


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